Life’s Too Short

January 28, 2010 at 8:21 pm | Posted in Blogroll, Music, Quotes | 8 Comments
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This is going to be…a different blog today. A little backwards from normal…but we’re getting back to normal.

So here goes.

Oh I am young but I have aged
Waited long to seize the day
All things said and plenty done…life’s too short

Could this be….
Could this be the day I’ve waited for?

Life’s too short. Life is too short not to be happy.

But it doesn’t mean I don’t want to just stop what I’m doing and scream. I want to scream so loud because it hurts so much. Nothing has ever hurt this bad. It’s constant. It doesn’t come in waves. It’s a permanent ache.

But…I’m strong. I can do this. God did not bring me here if I couldn’t handle it.

I’ve accomplished a lot already. Every day…I want to call him. I want to share my excitement with him.

But I may never be with him again. So I need to start being excited for myself…and letting go…because nothing is certain except what I do with myself, by myself, for myself.

I’m proud of myself though. Really proud. Part of me wants him to know…because he would be proud too. But…if he decides I’m not the person for him…then he has made his decision to not share in the highlights. And I’ve got to be ok with that.

I’ve done some things this week that I honestly never thought I could, or would, do. I am starting to let go of my fears. I’m starting to really believe in myself. It’s a great feeling. *Sperl, you know what the BIG thing is… 🙂 Thanks for helping with that one, girl.*

I’m working on 5 things. Faith, Trust, Love, Confidence, and Strength. I need to have more faith in God. I also need to have more faith in myself, and I still have faith in Tracy. I know he is going to do what is best for him. And I’ll do what’s best for me. I need to work on trust…in a really big way. I don’t trust myself, my decisions, or my judgment. If I can’t trust myself, how can I even begin to trust someone else? I did make a pretty big decision this week…and I haven’t questioned it once. So that is one positive step. I also need to work on loving myself. Again, I have to love me before someone else can love me. Those both tie in to confidence. I need to have a LOT more confidence. That will come with time. And if I can manage all those things, I know it will make me a stronger person.

So…I’m working on healing. I’m working on ME. It’s not our relationship that was broken…it was us as individuals. If we are supposed to be together….then we will find our way back to each other once we’ve had some time to fix our own issues. And if this break helps us realize we aren’t supposed to be together…then that’s the way God wants it. Either way, I know I will come out a better person, and I’m sure Tracy will as well.

I’m trying to have faith. I’m trying to be positive. There are parts of me that are still full of doubt. There are parts of me that just want him back…no matter what. But…that doesn’t fix the issue. I still feel like he’s the one I’m supposed to be with…but only time will tell. I’m hoping the pain gets a little better in time, but I know I can handle it. I’ve handled worse.

So…the blog might be a little more serious. Some “real” parts of me might sneak in now and then…but for the most part…I’m going to try and focus on ME…and the more positive parts of me in here.

Also, I think the “Work Week” section is going to be dropped unless something major happens.

So let’s get on with it.

Workout Week:

2ish miles Monday with the downstairs neighbor. It was superfun!!! We ran a GREAT hill that I thought I would NOT be able to go up…but I kept going. I ran…and ran…and went UP the WHOLE hill without stopping. This thing is a MONSTER…and I did it. I didn’t think I could but I did. HA!

Talked to mom about upcoming races. She’s gonna pay some of my entry fees so it’s not as hard for me to get by. YAY!!!!!!

Poll results……DUM DA DUM!!!!!!!!!!

Well it’s a tie. 35% for Rumpass in Bumpass, and 35% for BOTH. Honestly, I’m leaning towards both. We’ll see. 🙂

Knitting Week:

Not a lot. Still need to finish the second baby hat…really frustrated with Aunt Cynth’s scarf…don’t feel like casting on anything…but that’s ok. I’ve got plenty of other stuff to do.

Did see some nifty sheep though! Was going to take more pictures but a car came up behind me…

Very fun sheep-ies!! Anyone know what breed this might be??

Very fun sheep-ies!! Anyone know what breed this might be??

Favorite:

This week’s favorite…aside from any and all medications that allow me to stop thinking and sleep…is Librivox. You can download a TON of books to your ipod…for FREE!!!!!

Granted, these may not be books that people want to read on a regular basis…but it’s the classics. Almost any book in the “public domain” is out there!!! AWESOMENESS!!!!!!! For the dork in me, I can listen to Walden by Henry David Thoreau…and Origin of Species by Darwin….do you know how much that rocks?!?!?!

But they have a lot of really great stuff, mysteries, poetry, everything!

Other Junk:

Ok so it flooded like WOAH down here. The rivers rose so high a lot of schools were closed most of the week. On my drive to work, I could tell that at one point over the weekend the river had been completely covering where my car was and my car would have been fully under water the river was up so high.

Some people now have waterfalls in their yards where landscaping used to be. I’ve never seen flooding this bad in person!

Worked on fiddling this week. I’m…really not that bad at it. I’m kind of shy about it because…I never expected to be good at it. I’m really excited though. The next paycheck is due any day now and I’ve rearranged finances so I can afford one fiddle lesson a month!!!!!!

SO excited!!!

I did attempt to buy a fiddle rest…and…I don’t think the guy gave me the right one. Must correct this soon.

I also had traffic court this week for my super-awesome ticket…but it’s all good. I got a day off work, so that’s good, right??

After court…I spent some time driving around. Took some pictures of the ice storm damage…listened to music…

Everywhere I turned there were trees with their tops snapped off. Not limbs...TOPS.

Everywhere I turned there were trees with their tops snapped off. Not limbs...TOPS.

 

There was also a super-awesome horse...sculpture/statue? made of wood.

There was also a super-awesome horse...sculpture/statue? made of wood.

 

"The woods are lovely, dark, and deep. But I have promises to keep, and miles to go before I sleep."

"The woods are lovely, dark, and deep. But I have promises to keep, and miles to go before I sleep."

There’s been a lot of music listening as of late. So many songs that either pick me up…or say what I want to say. Things I wish I could tell him. But…I’m keeping my distance. He wants time…I can give him that.

Even if I do want to violently shake him and tell him to cut this crap out because I know we’re both more miserable now than we ever were together. We were never miserable. We barely fought.

Oh the things I would say to him if I could…

But mostly the violent shaking. 🙂

Anyways. It’s supposed to snow here this weekend AGAIN…so that’s going to be great for my running. I really should go run today since it’s not freezing outside. It’s only semi-frostbite.

******Edit*******

I didn’t run like I should have. WHY, you ask? Well…because shortly after writing this draft on Wednesday…I realized I had driven the HOUR back to my “home” from traffic court this morning (awesomeness) for dead tags…and junk…only to realize that I FORGOT TO CAT SIT AND GIVE MY COUSIN THE KEY….both the cousin and the needy cat….back at HOME-HOME….an hour away. So…I had to jump in the car…drive an HOUR Home-home….cat sit and all that mess, THEN an HOUR to a Dr’s appointment…then 40 min back to “home”.

That’s a whopping total of close to 4 hours of driving in one day…and really I never went more than 45 miles away….just…did 45 miles 4 times. I could have almost made it to the freaking beach. I could have made it to three different states. Yeah. That’s absurd.

But moving out.

Sincere Shoutout:

This week’s shoutout is to each and every person who posted on my previous post. You have no idea how much your words, thoughts, and prayers touched me. I love all you guys so much. Just the fact that you read this babble…makes me smile. And when you care enough to comment…it makes my day. I love it so much. So thanks guys. Thanks for being there, thanks for reading, and thanks for helping me through this.

Oh The Weather Outside Is Frightful

December 7, 2009 at 10:34 pm | Posted in 5k, Music, Training, Tri, Triathlon | 1 Comment
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Ok, so it wasn’t too frightful…but it was snowy and cold!!!! And it’s been more than a week since I’ve written, I know…but…that’s life. 🙂

And I was inside. Sick. More on that later. Let’s get down to it, shall we?

The Work Week:

Mmm, not a whole lot to report. I DID get my H1N1 vaccine though!!! I was so excited!!!! No flu for MEEEEEE!! Now I just have to get the regular flu shot and I’ll be set.

Thanksgiving was a blur, not enough time off!! Then last week…nothing to report really. It was work. So we’ll move on.

The Workout Week:

Well…I kind of sort of not really re-started P90X. 🙂

Kinda.

I managed to remember to bring it down with me after Thanksgiving. I did 2 days of it, then got a head cold of sorts. I’m thinking I’m going to do bits and pieces of it. It’s a very intense program, and I need to build back up to that level.

I also need to get back to training for a real race!!!! AND I want to do a few tri’s in the spring…and HOPEFULLY I’ve talked a few people in to doing them with me! *looks at her people* YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!!!!!!!!

Also this week…I changed my first bike tire!!!

*bows*

Yes, yes, SO PROUD!!!

Well, I changed the tube. I’d never changed a tire on ANYTHING so this was an accomplishment for me!

First, I had to get the wheel OFF the bike…that wasn’t too bad.

Changing the bike tire.

Changing the bike tire.

Then…taking out the old tube and replacing it with the new one.

Ok...I can do this...

Ok...I can do this...

All in all, it wasn’t that bad. In fact, it was a heck of a lot easier than replacing strings on a string instrument….we’ll get to that in a bit. That involved puncture wounds. Not ok. *shakes head*

Tomorrow I’m hoping to get some yoga in, and later this week a run or two before the Jingle Bell 5K on Saturday.

Then on the 19th there’s ANOTHER 5K so I’ll get my 9 races in 09!!!! WHOOO!!!! Speaking of which, I need to update the Race Rollcall page.

Moving on…

The Knitting Week:

Not a lot happened over break. I looked at my projects. I glared at my projects. But I didn’t really do much on them.

I did re-start the gray scarf for Aunt Cynthia….I got mad at it.

Evil Scarf....

Evil Scarf....

The old one is on the straight needle. I can’t do straight needles anymore, especially when purling!!! I wanted to rip my fingers off every time. So…I’m switching to Addi’s and doing a straight knit. It’ll go faster, because let’s face it, Christmas is COMING!!!

Then Aunt Sarah’s hat is coming along nicely. I don’t think I’m doing the decreases exactly right…because my number ended up a little off….but…I’m just going with it. It’ll be a beret, and she’ll like it no matter what.

It's almost done!!

It's almost done!!

Other than that…I worked a little on Aunt Connie’s socks…toe up for the first time. On DPN’s. Not so sure how that’s gonna go…

Now it’s time for this week’s….

Favorite:

I’m going to have to go with a good, wet, sticking SNOW. Just like the one we got this week!

Mmmm snow!

Mmmm snow!

Big, fat, HUGE flakes. The kind that’s PERFECT for making snow men. The kind that’s great for sledding…the kind that gets you out of school. Mmm, snow.

I didn’t get to go sledding, or make snow men, but I did spend the day watching it snow from the coffee shop window with the BFF. We had a good time even though we didn’t play outside much!

Other Junk:

Well, over Thanksgiving I did get to see my best friend and new new baby boy. I took them out for her birthday lunch so that was nice.

During the week I did manage to get some work done in my house. I hung up some pictures finally!

Yay for decorating!

Yeah, they are cheap frames from Walmart...but hey, for thirteen bucks...I'll take it!

Then I spent some time this weekend with Carly and Calypso…

Mom, I don't trust you...

Mom, I don't trust you...

And, upon coming home to see Tracy Friday night…I found this.

What's in that case???

What's in that case???

FIDDLE!!!!!!!!

FIDDLE!!!!!!!!

Yeah. I nearly screamed. He traded his guitar in to buy me a fiddle. I am still in shock.

So the fiddle caused me to also want my dulcimer. So that meant a trip to the music store to get strings since one was broken…and of course since we were at the music store, I had to buy a fiddle book!!! And some picks. And a mute for the fiddle (Which I cannot for the LIFE of me figure out how to put on…any suggestions?!?!) and other randomness.

Remember how I said changing a bike tire is easier than changing strings?

Yeah.

So I brought the dulcimer and fiddle home….much to the cat’s dismay…

Tomorrow, there WILL be a hairball on this, you do understand that, yes?

Tomorrow, there WILL be a hairball on this, you do understand that, yes?

And I replaced the one broken string on the dulcimer.

And while tuning it…I broke another.

Good thing I bought a pack of strings at the store!!!

Now all the strings are replaced, and I’m working on remembering how to play. 🙂 So far I can play a mean “Hot Cross Buns” and a pathetic first line of “O Little Town of Bethlehem”…

I haven’t done much on the fiddle yet. I can make it make a noise that doesn’t send animals and small children in to tears. That, I think, is progress.

That and my request for lessons from a local music school. 🙂

So now we shall close with our

Stellar Snowy Shoutout:

This week’s shoutout goes to Miss Chrissy….who has expressed a mild interest in doing a triathlon and I am using this shoutout as a shamless attempt to twist her arm in to joining me in April and doing a tri!!!

Chrissy you do NOT need someone there kicking your butt to do it. YOU can kick your own butt. I will be your online support system…but YOU CAN DO THIS!!!!!!!!!!!

DO IT!!!!!!!!!

Ok, have a great day/holiday/week/whatever everyone!!!!!!!!

Gimmie Some

November 12, 2008 at 7:52 pm | Posted in running, Training | 2 Comments
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Awesome, awesome, awesome run today!!!

I made a new playlist on my ipod. All Marine cadances. Let me tell you, THAT will motivate you. I really liked it because it has a really great beat for running…because well…that’s what the Marines run to so it works really well!!

I did about 2 miles with the dogs, AND without pain!!! My ankle didn’t hurt at all!! Still doesn’t!!! WHOOO!!!!

I really wanted to keep going but I didn’t want to push my ankle so I stopped.

I’m pretty sure I’ll be running to cadences for awhile!!!

Don’t Stop Believing

July 18, 2008 at 11:31 am | Posted in running, Training | 6 Comments
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…Hold on to that feeeeeeeeelin

Well, I managed a pathetic 1/2 mile run last night. I mean paaaaaaaaathetic. I don’t even know for sure that it was a half mile. Grated, it was in a field and completly hilly…but it was sad. I felt like crap, it was absurdly hot, and when I finished I could feel my heartbeat in my temples. Not good.

So I felt like death the rest of the night. Still having sleeping issues. No new news there.

So. I met my trainer this morning at 8am. Reeeeeeally wasn’t sure about this. I was hoping to make it 2 miles.

YEAH.

TWO MILES.

HA!!!!!!!!!!!

Try 4. We did 4. Possibly 5 but I like to underestimate. 4 FREAKING MILES!!!!!!!! I haven’t ran…like really ran…in almost 3 weeks. And I did 4 miles. I feel like such a BAMF. I’m so proud.

And I’m going to feel like crashing SO hard later.

I also am going dancing with a friend tonight because our favorite *small* band is in town.

The Embers.

Yeah, they do oldies and…here. Watch. Actually listen…the video is and kinda…eh. Just listen.

So yeah. That’s the kind of music I love. Actually there’s not much I don’t love, but I love to go dancing to beach music so I’m excited.

Also there’s a 5K tomorrow in town I just found out about while driving by a sign today….and I KNOW I shouldn’t…but I’m SOOOO tempted. We’ll see.

And in one last piece of possibly awesome news….I may have found a running partner!!!! An elderly lady called me because I do pet sitting, and she is looking for someone to exercise her dog!!! It’s a red doberman and I can’t wait to meet it and see if it can keep up!!!!!!!!!!!

HAPPY FRIDAY!!!!!!!!!

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