Live and Learn

June 24, 2010 at 10:13 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment
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So……

In the last 2 hours, while wandering the internet instead of packing for tomorrow’s hike….I have learned two important lessons, and I would like to share them with you now.

Lesson #1: Always check the sleeping bag you’re washing in the washing machine for possible wasps nests. *pictures to come later*

Lesson #2: If highly motivated dog who won’t typically run IS, in fact, strong and fast enough to rip tie-out stake and rope out of ground. Proper motivation appears to be furry rabbit I didn’t see until it was too late. And mostly because it’s dark.

On that note…I shall retire.

Life’s Too Short

January 28, 2010 at 8:21 pm | Posted in Blogroll, Music, Quotes | 8 Comments
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This is going to be…a different blog today. A little backwards from normal…but we’re getting back to normal.

So here goes.

Oh I am young but I have aged
Waited long to seize the day
All things said and plenty done…life’s too short

Could this be….
Could this be the day I’ve waited for?

Life’s too short. Life is too short not to be happy.

But it doesn’t mean I don’t want to just stop what I’m doing and scream. I want to scream so loud because it hurts so much. Nothing has ever hurt this bad. It’s constant. It doesn’t come in waves. It’s a permanent ache.

But…I’m strong. I can do this. God did not bring me here if I couldn’t handle it.

I’ve accomplished a lot already. Every day…I want to call him. I want to share my excitement with him.

But I may never be with him again. So I need to start being excited for myself…and letting go…because nothing is certain except what I do with myself, by myself, for myself.

I’m proud of myself though. Really proud. Part of me wants him to know…because he would be proud too. But…if he decides I’m not the person for him…then he has made his decision to not share in the highlights. And I’ve got to be ok with that.

I’ve done some things this week that I honestly never thought I could, or would, do. I am starting to let go of my fears. I’m starting to really believe in myself. It’s a great feeling. *Sperl, you know what the BIG thing is… 🙂 Thanks for helping with that one, girl.*

I’m working on 5 things. Faith, Trust, Love, Confidence, and Strength. I need to have more faith in God. I also need to have more faith in myself, and I still have faith in Tracy. I know he is going to do what is best for him. And I’ll do what’s best for me. I need to work on trust…in a really big way. I don’t trust myself, my decisions, or my judgment. If I can’t trust myself, how can I even begin to trust someone else? I did make a pretty big decision this week…and I haven’t questioned it once. So that is one positive step. I also need to work on loving myself. Again, I have to love me before someone else can love me. Those both tie in to confidence. I need to have a LOT more confidence. That will come with time. And if I can manage all those things, I know it will make me a stronger person.

So…I’m working on healing. I’m working on ME. It’s not our relationship that was broken…it was us as individuals. If we are supposed to be together….then we will find our way back to each other once we’ve had some time to fix our own issues. And if this break helps us realize we aren’t supposed to be together…then that’s the way God wants it. Either way, I know I will come out a better person, and I’m sure Tracy will as well.

I’m trying to have faith. I’m trying to be positive. There are parts of me that are still full of doubt. There are parts of me that just want him back…no matter what. But…that doesn’t fix the issue. I still feel like he’s the one I’m supposed to be with…but only time will tell. I’m hoping the pain gets a little better in time, but I know I can handle it. I’ve handled worse.

So…the blog might be a little more serious. Some “real” parts of me might sneak in now and then…but for the most part…I’m going to try and focus on ME…and the more positive parts of me in here.

Also, I think the “Work Week” section is going to be dropped unless something major happens.

So let’s get on with it.

Workout Week:

2ish miles Monday with the downstairs neighbor. It was superfun!!! We ran a GREAT hill that I thought I would NOT be able to go up…but I kept going. I ran…and ran…and went UP the WHOLE hill without stopping. This thing is a MONSTER…and I did it. I didn’t think I could but I did. HA!

Talked to mom about upcoming races. She’s gonna pay some of my entry fees so it’s not as hard for me to get by. YAY!!!!!!

Poll results……DUM DA DUM!!!!!!!!!!

Well it’s a tie. 35% for Rumpass in Bumpass, and 35% for BOTH. Honestly, I’m leaning towards both. We’ll see. 🙂

Knitting Week:

Not a lot. Still need to finish the second baby hat…really frustrated with Aunt Cynth’s scarf…don’t feel like casting on anything…but that’s ok. I’ve got plenty of other stuff to do.

Did see some nifty sheep though! Was going to take more pictures but a car came up behind me…

Very fun sheep-ies!! Anyone know what breed this might be??

Very fun sheep-ies!! Anyone know what breed this might be??

Favorite:

This week’s favorite…aside from any and all medications that allow me to stop thinking and sleep…is Librivox. You can download a TON of books to your ipod…for FREE!!!!!

Granted, these may not be books that people want to read on a regular basis…but it’s the classics. Almost any book in the “public domain” is out there!!! AWESOMENESS!!!!!!! For the dork in me, I can listen to Walden by Henry David Thoreau…and Origin of Species by Darwin….do you know how much that rocks?!?!?!

But they have a lot of really great stuff, mysteries, poetry, everything!

Other Junk:

Ok so it flooded like WOAH down here. The rivers rose so high a lot of schools were closed most of the week. On my drive to work, I could tell that at one point over the weekend the river had been completely covering where my car was and my car would have been fully under water the river was up so high.

Some people now have waterfalls in their yards where landscaping used to be. I’ve never seen flooding this bad in person!

Worked on fiddling this week. I’m…really not that bad at it. I’m kind of shy about it because…I never expected to be good at it. I’m really excited though. The next paycheck is due any day now and I’ve rearranged finances so I can afford one fiddle lesson a month!!!!!!

SO excited!!!

I did attempt to buy a fiddle rest…and…I don’t think the guy gave me the right one. Must correct this soon.

I also had traffic court this week for my super-awesome ticket…but it’s all good. I got a day off work, so that’s good, right??

After court…I spent some time driving around. Took some pictures of the ice storm damage…listened to music…

Everywhere I turned there were trees with their tops snapped off. Not limbs...TOPS.

Everywhere I turned there were trees with their tops snapped off. Not limbs...TOPS.

 

There was also a super-awesome horse...sculpture/statue? made of wood.

There was also a super-awesome horse...sculpture/statue? made of wood.

 

"The woods are lovely, dark, and deep. But I have promises to keep, and miles to go before I sleep."

"The woods are lovely, dark, and deep. But I have promises to keep, and miles to go before I sleep."

There’s been a lot of music listening as of late. So many songs that either pick me up…or say what I want to say. Things I wish I could tell him. But…I’m keeping my distance. He wants time…I can give him that.

Even if I do want to violently shake him and tell him to cut this crap out because I know we’re both more miserable now than we ever were together. We were never miserable. We barely fought.

Oh the things I would say to him if I could…

But mostly the violent shaking. 🙂

Anyways. It’s supposed to snow here this weekend AGAIN…so that’s going to be great for my running. I really should go run today since it’s not freezing outside. It’s only semi-frostbite.

******Edit*******

I didn’t run like I should have. WHY, you ask? Well…because shortly after writing this draft on Wednesday…I realized I had driven the HOUR back to my “home” from traffic court this morning (awesomeness) for dead tags…and junk…only to realize that I FORGOT TO CAT SIT AND GIVE MY COUSIN THE KEY….both the cousin and the needy cat….back at HOME-HOME….an hour away. So…I had to jump in the car…drive an HOUR Home-home….cat sit and all that mess, THEN an HOUR to a Dr’s appointment…then 40 min back to “home”.

That’s a whopping total of close to 4 hours of driving in one day…and really I never went more than 45 miles away….just…did 45 miles 4 times. I could have almost made it to the freaking beach. I could have made it to three different states. Yeah. That’s absurd.

But moving out.

Sincere Shoutout:

This week’s shoutout is to each and every person who posted on my previous post. You have no idea how much your words, thoughts, and prayers touched me. I love all you guys so much. Just the fact that you read this babble…makes me smile. And when you care enough to comment…it makes my day. I love it so much. So thanks guys. Thanks for being there, thanks for reading, and thanks for helping me through this.

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